bittersweet

You never know the true meaning of bittersweet until you’re pushed to the extremes of emotion. In my case, love and sadness. I love him, but I have to leave him to go far away. When I’m with him, I’m happy, but crushed at the same time because I know I will not be this happy again when he’s not around. I feel like exploding, but being with him makes me feel settled. When he says something funny, I start to laugh and end with tears because I think about how I won’t get to hear this in person again. But I don’t want to show him my tears because I can’t waste my time on sadness, I need to make the most of our time left and fill it with happy moments. I’m scared to even be too happy, because it will hurt even more when I’m gone. He makes me so happy, but this sorrowful melancholy undercurrent is always there. It’s the bitter pain of my impending departure and it’s the sweet preciousness of our restricted love. That is what bittersweet feels like.